Get Anything You Want — Kara Payton

The journey to experiencing *actual* faith…can feel like watching yourself bleed out but having to trust you won’t die.
After 35 years of knowledge & information lying dormant in my body, I wanted to purge all barriers to myself and God. For real, And forever.
I had no idea what the hell I was asking for.

But I asked for this. I was tired of being full of shit, not just to those closest to me, but myself.
I am one of the smartest women I know, but I applied a fraction of that intelligence to my life.

I had no idea what it would cost or feel like.
I was arrogant enough to think it would be pretty, feel liberating and exciting.

I did not know, how much of my life was built with false safety and the resistance to love in the disguise of “spirituality.”

And when I started to allow the Universe to remove what wasn’t real, I had no idea how much it would remove.
I stand here with almost nothing underneath me.

They were all structures.

I pretended to be unafraid of love, pretended to be open, pretended to be honest with myself, pretended to be fully vulnerable, pretended to be committed, pretended to be unguarded. I could write bravery, I could describe the arena in words. All I needed to do was package and repackage the same hyperboles and keep up appearances for the rest of my life.

That used to be good enough.

If we want anything, words are worthless to attain it.

Your life will read between the lines of your bullshit and ask you why your hands and face are still clean.

Originally published at https://www.karapayton.com on April 13, 2022.