The Secret to Keeping Your Power & Staying Happy — Kara Payton
We often want to “clean something up” implying there are others, things and circumstances that we must “deal with,” eliminate or fix.
It’s a lot simpler and easier work than this. Imagine being in a room with a window on either side, one window has a beautiful beach with rolling ocean waves, the other window has a littered highway. When we insist on dealing in others business, it’s not different than saying that you must pick up all the litter on the side of the highway and get everyone to slow down before you can enjoy the beach.
You say, “well it bothers me that the litter is there, and the noise is going to ruin my beach view.”
The closer you get to the highway, the louder the sounds of it and you actually can’t hear the ocean anymore either. The same would be true if you moved toward the beach.
To fix, say what a person thinks about you, is nothing more sensible than that. You don’t have any control over what someone thinks about you but you have every control over what you think about what someone thinks about you. You can’t make them feel differently, that’s their own, but you can feel differently about them feeling that.
Ask yourself, ‘Does anyone else’s thoughts attract to me? Put a bullseye on me?’ No, a magnet is in charge of its own force and cannot make a rock a magnet. Do my thoughts about someone else’s thoughts attract to me? Yes, because now I am the magnet.
I can look at that highway or I can look at that beach. That’s what it means to stay in your power, calibrated to that which you choose to be calibrated to. And the highest way to serve yourself is to calibrate to your own source, your own power, your own inner knowing and not to allow yourself to calibrate to anything else.
When you are focusing on someone else’s thoughts, intentions, actions, whatever- you calibrate to them and not you. You weren’t made to, you have no contracts or obligations to-you do that on your own free will.
Many people as they think, feel and decide tend to operate under the false premise that they need to hook into some kind of power and then I will be able to affect the behavior of other people and situations. And then I will feel better because the situation will change.
The point of your work on yourself is that the situation can remain the same and I can choose to remain where I am and feel good there.
People that do not feel good or do not calibrate to their own inner being will lure you away from your own.
A lot of people try to be this for each other, like a transaction or agreement. “If I’m really nice to you, you’ll be really nice to me,” “If you make me feel good, do things that make me feel safe, provide me with assurance against my insecurities without my having to touch them, I will do these things for you.”
The very autonomy and freedom you’re seeking can’t be attained because you’re tangled up in this agreement that gives someone power over the way you feel.
The key is to not get someone to get aligned or agree with you, but to be so good with you that it doesn’t matter if they are or not. The agreement you’re truly seeking is with who you really are.
Quit blaming them for your own choice to come out of your own skin. They didn’t do that. You wrote that contract up and gave them the power of attorney to your own calibration.
Then you find that gradually your ability to be yourself diminishes and we blame the other person. What really happens is that when you’re alone you recalibrate to yourself but now when you’re with them, you calibrate to them, they dominate and you cease.
To get back into concert with your own being is very simple but not necessarily easy.
Setting the situation, person or connection aside, who are you really? How can I be with others, and be in my own.
Own that you feel this way, or that way because of your ability and choice to think these thoughts.
And no matter what, your thoughts about you are what you stay in tune to over someone else’s flawed thoughts about you. And the more you stay in tune with that, the less flawed someone else’s thoughts about you will be but even if not, that doesn’t register you for a de-calibration.
And the same goes for your flawed thoughts about someone else.
You can ask, “Do they love me or not? Are they well-intentioned or not? Are they doing the best they can with the flawed thoughts he or she has or not? Are they guided or misguided? Is that my work to change or not? Do they have to be guided, change or do anything before I will allow myself to choose my own?”
And from that level of consciousness, you can find yourself unconditionally loving & understanding, unconditionally aligned and calibrated with your inner being, where thinking, feeling and acting from there is a good place to be. You can accept that people don’t always know, don’t always stay in their best place, don’t always ignore fear, etc.
When you don’t reach this level of awareness, you slip into the traps that someone should be, should do, should say. And from there, it can feel like someone is trying to call you back to a place they want to force upon you, or hurt you, or play games, or dominate you, when they’re simply innocent of knowing they have this same power that isn’t dependent on you either.
You want to feel like you can move toward who you really are, and wish they’d just let you go there, but you gave them the power to determine whether or not you do, and you resent them for something you did to yourself.
Go there, go to your fullness, go to your happy, go to your best, they’ll come along or they won’t. Everything that anyone in love ever guides anyone to or tries to get someone to do is from a place of thinking it will be better. With everything that has lead them to where they are, their beliefs, emotional state, wants and fears all combined into a very integrated response to the world-one that’s different from yours.
Let them stay in the experience they choose, and choose yours all the same. You are always more calibrated to what has been than what you want otherwise you would have it, so get closer by staying calibrated along the way. And when you do, what’s funny is others will come along, they’ll see your beauty, they know your wellness and feel your wellbeing. Go to your thriving and be so in that because no one on your path in that space will ever say to you, “I want you to come back to a place you were less than this,” because your energy has drawn their inner being that also wants its own calibration and will pull on their own inner knowing that you are moving in the right direction.
When you’re not in alignment, you think they do this because you’re not thinking as you but as a false premise based on your calibration to your flawed thoughts about them.
Deep down you know someone else is not the influence you want to have and is not capable to maintain momentum enough to carry both of you, with limited perspective you don’t see your ability to uncouple from that agreement while not having to discharge the relationship. We see we either keep honoring this contract that’s keeping us both crossways of our inner being, or we have to dismiss the connection entirely as if they weren’t good for us. The need to blame or see the other as guilty of our own lack of self-congruence is so much easier than the clearing of the path to self-sight of the incongruences that would point to our own thoughts, beliefs and actions that created this unwanted reality.
Most everyone has their own unique way to fill the void of not being aligned with their inner being. Most commonly we rely on others to make up the difference. And we all tend to go to great lengths to keep up with it even if they don’t know they do it. They don’t know how else to not have a void. They are doing the best that they’ve been able to do, even if they’re the consistent common denominator. Until they know they don’t know.
At the end of the day, anything that is not calibrated ends up manipulated to rebalance the imbalance. Innocently or otherwise, that is what results from being out of tune with yourself.
So if we can calibrate, and let others not be calibrated, we can understand they’re just doing the best that they can do. And if they’re powerful in their wanting, they’ll catch on. All the while, you are remaining whole-demonstrating your unshakeable and powerful alignment with you.
That is the work. That is the change you seek.
Originally published at https://www.karapayton.com on April 13, 2022.
