What to do When You’re Stuck.

It’s in your design to want to grow, be better, achieve more, become sharper and wiser. But what happens when we spin out, lose momentum, stop caring, get defeated, lose our way, don’t know the answer, doubt ourselves, compare ourselves to others and bring the whole thing on trial?

You are in possession of absolute brilliance and truth at all times. Everything you want/need is not something found like treasure out in the world and dragged into our individual lives. Most of our these treasures, we take for granted or simply don’t see. Our truth is the biggest. We overlook it or slap an unspoken leash around its neck like there is an appropriate time for THIS particular piece of our awareness to show itself in life. We know we should limit contact with that family member due to rising levels of toxicity but we wait. We wait because we think we will later attract the right words to offer them when we do. As if these words will come to us by osmosis and not from within.

But in a world as hurried as ours, it’s understandable why this has become more the norm. Everything is so rushed that we stampede over softer processes in life or the things that were right under our noses. Instant gratification comes when we attain the thing we claim we didn’t already have.

What to do about this? I would challenge that the answer may be as simple as starting with an intake/import detox. The missing piece may NOT be missing. Not missing or gone but misplaced. I would go so far as to say that is exactly why you feel there is a missing piece. You’ve already left the proverbial house searching for the proverbial keys that were on the proverbial counter.

This usually involves a relationship with the external that is believed to be more of an equal exchange than it really is. We think our time and focus on the external gains have been worth it. Our attainment of that job, that fiance’, that house, that follower, that membership, that degree, that goal weight…gave you a similar taste of how it would feel to gain something intrinsic in nature. Even many of the things we seek that are less tangible, we also credit in intrinsic value when, in fact, is just as unsatisfying as the former after a few chews. We gain belonging, acceptance, understanding, respect, connection, influence, importance and *even* love and wonder why the rush is gone the next day. The reason? There are many but I will discuss the one that lies underneath the skin of our desire to participate in the daily societal ‘hunger games’ of ‘more, more, more.’

In any quest, our sight set on something “out there” will bypass the soul and therefore, never enliven you the way you foresee. The desire came from the wrong mouth and so we feed the wrong mouth and are puzzled by the hunger that persists. We feed, we consume, we buy, we learn, we gain, we climb, we achieve, we impress, we conquer, we find, we finish, we launch, we win…and we still thirst. This internal “face plant in the hamster wheel” I have observed in myself and others seems to come from ignoring that we are designed to invert our so-called ‘destination.’ The journey is in, not out.

WOW. How anticlimactic right? Hence the lack of those who are standing in line to explore their inner world. Its very reasonable why that isn’t the carnival ride that has a line around the block.

FIRST, we’ve packed so much crap in there over our lives that it would be similar to walking into a storage unit that has been dumped into for (insert age here) years and NEVER organized, cleaned or even labeled. Imagine staring at unmarked bins on shelves that appear to have no category, piles of miscellaneous junk mixed with seemingly worthless knick knacks. BUT, here’s the rub about this storage unit — you can’t just dump it. Nothing here can be trashed — AND you have to deal with all of it because MORE will be stored there tomorrow. AND the lack of attention you’ve given to it has affected your life and the things that will be stored there tomorrow. Nothing appears to have value and it definitely looks as though you will spend forever trying to decipher what to do with any of it. This is our mind. The hoarder of all things that you’ve ever experienced, thought, remembered, judged and learned.

“Uhh, yeah — where’s the exit? I’m going to go literally do ANYTHING else.” — quote any normal human, anywhere.

And so we do. Can you blame you? Judge you? I certainly don’t. This internal storage unit gets even more complex, dark and even painful if you’ve stored abuse, addiction, trauma, loss or repressed or painful memories in it because as I said, it’s in there in no order. You could be simply trying to take a moment in your mind to decide if you’re truly satisfied in a relationship and suddenly facing a 20 year old memory of being left by a father, thrown across a room by a spouse, lying on a bathroom floor with a bottle of whiskey violently ejecting itself from your stomach for the sixth time that week or holding your child as they leave their body.

WHY would you EVER want to go back there knowing these landmines are placed throughout? Especially when you can just click through to Amazon, post a witty comment for praise, swipe right, take another shot, work an extra hour toward maintaining that status quo, attend that feel-good church service, scroll your phone to oblivion, hit snooze, pop a prescription to numb out, post a pic of that group of friends that makes you look safely nestled in belonging, finish the package of Oreos, RSVP “yes” to another place you don’t *actually* want to be OR “no” when you truly do want to go (but you can’t think of how you’ll present yourself in a way that’s just acceptable enough to gain passing approval but not so much that someone notices you long enough to begin a painful small talk interview from hell.) (Hello fellow introverts.)

We have developed a pretty fail-safe world for avoiding ourselves. There are hundreds of ‘just-add-water’ techniques to rid yourself of ever having to go inward. And when they fade out, you can ‘add-to-cart- the next remedy, subscribe to the next, and so on. Plus, the stigma and perception of those who do seek a different way is painted into a corner of extremes. There is an unspoken division. Basically, you’re either in a world of shallow, mindless consumerism or a meditating, minimalist vegan who lives in sunny nobility away from the rest of us donut-munching shoppers that spend our life mentally masturbating our way out of reality. I know in many cases it’s not this extreme and I believe our world is actually closer to muting the contrast than it’s ever been but I think this is where many of us choose to opt outward than inward.

If you’ve NEVER explored internally, this may be more the way you see it than some who have dabbled or even regularly attempted self-inventory or check-ins. It’s the storage unit that you don’t know where to even begin assessing. Similarly with those that have either become disenchanted with the pacification approaches of today’s world or have never seen the allure in avoiding the inner world, you may wonder why anyone would find refuge in plastic surgery or overtime at the office.

I believe that most of us are somewhere in the middle and just simply need the permission to let go of what we’ve cemented into our beliefs. It will allow everything we’ve taken as truth to adopt a question mark briefly so we can reset. Many of our struggles can be dealt with in a real way by this curious pause. Depression, lack of fulfillment, judgement, division, hatred, any “ism” that plagues us doesn’t solely come from the seeking of external things but it is definitely perpetuated by it. The source is another topic for another day but the reason it is prolonged and the exponential growth of its power over our mental and emotional states is our unconscious delay of relationship with ourselves. And it’s totally understandable. We’re not taught, its talked about but not in a comprehensive or helpful way. “Love yourself.” “Speak your truth.” “Listen to your gut.” “Follow your heart.” Those are great, they look good in a graphic on Instagram and are quite inspirational reminders but we’ve never been taught how. So how can being “reminded” of a great truth benefit us if it has never been a truth governing our lives to begin with?

So what happens after this curious timeout? Or what does it even mean to take an ‘intake detox?’ I have learned it means to stop listening to everything for any amount of time that allows a settling to occur after you ask yourself a question. “How do I…,” “Why does this…,” “What does that…,” “Which way will…,” “Who can I…,” and rest. Quiet down and resist the urge to Google or Youtube your way out. “Ten steps to making more money,” “How do I get over a breakup?” “Best diet to boost energy and mood,” “What causes anxiety?” “Why can’t I find the right guy?” Just breathe. Really breathe. Chances are you’ve been living as most do. Day-to-day, alarm goes off, out the door, task list battling for 8 hours, traffic on the way home, throw together a meal, attempt to unwind as much as possible behind whatever device numbs you most effectively, prep for the next day, get to bed later than you’d prefer, sleep less restfully than you’d prefer with a few more thoughts/worries than you’d prefer and repeat.

I say “breathe” and most will command a breath from the body and check it off a mental list, “Ok, breath. Done. What’s the point? Where’s my answer?” Breathe in such an impactful manner that your being, your life, your time, your thoughts, your awareness and your presence is brought to your location. Imagine that where you were initially was like that of a waterfall and you just slipped behind the falls into the quiet cave. You can still observe it all, but you’ve just created a large space between you and the static.

There is a separation you just made here that is crucial and goes unnoticed. Everything you just separated from is what we spend most of our days thinking IS US. But you still exist. You just threw your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, things to do and everything else on the other side of that water but here you are observing that. So who is that? That is who you consult. This presence is your new source of information, your guide. This presence does not need ten steps, does not need how-to’s, a new relationship, wardrobe or group of friends. It knows no separation so it needs no belonging, it does not judge so it needs no acceptance, it understands love is the only thing that is real so it needs no love, it knows no wrong path or lost way so it only seeks to experience as is. It is whole, complete.

When we take an intake detox, we reconnect or learn to connect for the first time in this life with our inner guide. It presents us with the freedom to connect directly to it at any time. It will take practice, charging through a lot of old habits and serious commitment but in the end, it supplies you with the invaluable sense that you’ve got your own back. It allows you to take things in stride, take the high road, leave behind old patterns, have the difficult conversation, trust you can walk away, lean into your intuition and stop doubting the answer when it comes.

This lifeline fuels an undertow that keeps your mind soothed, your spirit untethered and your perspective wide. It also provides an open door to our “storage unit” minds providing light and an exit for the things that no longer serve us. As we shed light and heal, each bin and pile of ‘junk’ clears itself, leaving space for us to leave the race and come home to ourselves.

We are only lost, empty and without in the moments we forget we are always home, whole and complete.

Live boldly and thrive loves,

Kara.

Kara Payton | @liveboldlyandthrive | karapayton.com